Wow, I’m late getting here to post my weight for September. It’s been a hectic month so far, with me holding onto my serenity with a very tenuous grasp.

Anyway, I lost the 2 pounds I gained in August, thankfully. I’m now back down to 160. I realized after I weighed that I have lost 120 pounds. For some reason, I’ve been saying 110 pounds for a while now. I have no idea how I calculated 280 minus 160 equals 110. Duh. So yeah, I’ve lost a full person, and almost half of my body weight. What’s wild about that is - when I was 280 pounds, I knew I was heavy, but I didn’t think I was that heavy. Denial and rationalization at its best, I suppose.

I’ll be back some time this weekend to post about my amazing experience last weekend. I was at a worldwide convention for one of my 12-step programs and it was simply incredible. In the midst of a lot of chaos in my life, I’ve been blessed to be surrounded by even more recovery. I’m so grateful for that - and I feel even closer to my Higher Power than I have in years. There’s something to be said for adversity!

Today was weigh day and the news wasn’t so good this month. I weighed in at 162.6, giving me a gain of almost 2 pounds. Eep! I know that I’ve been craving (and eating!) a lot of red meat this month, as well as going out to eat a lot, so I am attributing the gain to that. It’s amazing how much faster I can gain the weight than lose it. Ah well, it was just a reality check and not anything I obsessed over all day. I even still felt plenty cute in the clothes I wore yesterday, which is a switch from how I used to feel on a day where I knew there was a weight gain. My head can tell me any number of lies and one of them used to be that if the scale went up, I was fat and ugly. Thank God I know that’s not true today.

This month I am going to be more conscientious about my protein choices, more vigilant about bringing my food scale with me when I go out to eat, and I’m back to taking my coffee black again. We’ll see what September 1st brings!

I weighed this morning because I forgot yesterday. I’m down another pound, which puts me at 160.8. That means I have officially lost 120 pounds. Holy moly!

The ironic thing is, I’ve been feeling fat lately… I don’t know if it’s just because my body is shifting again (it does this every few months) or what, but it’s annoying. I also desperately need to get into a good exercise routine to firm up things. There’s just too much loose stuff for my liking. I wonder if I’ll ever be truly happy with my body? Man, I hope so.

Looks like I forgot to blog my weight entry for May. Possibly because there was no update really since my weight stayed the same. This month I lost a little more than a pound, bringing me to 161.8. I find it hard to believe that I might see the 150s. The last time I was this thin was when I got married - and I didn’t get to that weight in a healthy manner at all. Laxatives and exercise bulimia were the order of the day… and once that stopped, the weight went back up almost immediately. I often wonder how much I would truly weigh if I had my excess skin removed. Scary.

I want to make a habit of recording my monthly weighing here. Since joining OA, I have only weighed myself on a monthly basis. For too long in my life, I was a slave to those numbers, so it’s just not a good idea for me to be on the scale any more frequently than that. I have found, along with a lot of other wise people, that weighing monthly is a good way to ensure I’m staying on track without becoming so obsessed with the numbers game.

This month I lost another 2 pounds. I have been losing weight for 5 years in a row now. Isn’t that amazing? There was a period of about a year and a half where I stabilized and stayed the same weight, and I thought I was done. I would have been fine with that number, because I was 175 pounds at 5′11″ tall. I wore a size 12 and was very comfortable in my own skin. However, I changed my food plan about 6 months ago and the weight started coming off again. I’ve since lost another 8 pounds, bringing me to 163, for a total of 117 pounds lost all together. Incredible. The most incredible part is how little effort I have put into actually losing the weight. I’ve concentrated on getting well and healthier emotionally and spiritually, while following a sound food plan, and the weight has just come off on its own. It is a true miracle.

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