As a rule I don’t handle conflict very well. It stresses me out and makes me nervous. Yesterday was chock full of conflict, and it’s no surprise that today I’m feeling unsettled.

The first incident had nothing to do with me; my coworkers and boss had some strong words in our weekly department meeting. I was able to notice my discomfort, yet mind my own business and keep my mouth shut. That is a lot of progress for me. My instinct is to either antagonize or appease. I want to pick sides, roll up my sleeves and get in the thick of it, letting the side I didn’t choose know how wrong they are. Or I want to crack a joke to ease the tension in the room, distract the offending parties and move on to more pleasant items of business. I was a bit rattled up after the meeting, little did I know it was just a small taste of what awaited me.

In the afternoon, the owner of the company flipped his lid complete with cursing and slamming things down at and around me. The whole incident shocked me, and I felt wholly unprepared for it. It’s making me realize there are bigger issues at stake - God is “raining bricks” down on my head to get my attention where this job is concerned.

And to top off the evening, my oldest son decided it was acceptable to go into a rage and yell at me and his brother when he was told to give his brother a turn on the XBox. I felt like I handled that situation well, but I still hated that it happened. Again, I was taken aback at the behavior - it was completely unexpected. Later that night, my husband and I had a misunderstanding about the disciplining practices around the whole situation, so that just compounded the issue. Today I will need to work on forgiveness because I’m feeling pretty angry and resentful at my son. It’s going to take a lot of prayer, because I don’t feel any sort of peace in me at this moment.

This morning I spent time exercising and praying and now I’m writing - I’m just trying to do the next right thing in hopes that today is a better day.

One of the terms you hear frequently around 12 step rooms is this mysterious “spiritual experience”. I’ve had many spiritual experiences since walking into my first meeting, but somehow I still tend to naturally stray away from the spiritual side of things. It’s not something that comes naturally to me all the time, although it is improving all the time. Usually I am prompted by something someone says, or something I’ve read to return to the thing that brings me the most joy: letting go and letting God.

This morning I was reminded once again that I need to return to God’s grace after reading this passage in one of my daily readers:

God’s power in your life increases as your ability to understand His grace increases. The power of God’s grace is only limited by the understanding and will of each individual. God’s miracle-working power is only limited in each individual soul by the lack of spiritual vision of that soul. God respects free-will, the right of each person to accept or reject His miracle-working power. Only the sincere desire of the soul gives Him the opportunity to bestow it. I pray that I may not limit God’s power by my lack of vision. I pray that I may keep my mind open today to His influence.

Powerful! Each one of those sentences has enough substance in it that I could ponder them individually for a while before moving to the next. I love that all I need to do is grow my spiritual vision of my soul to know peace and God’s good grace. How do I grow my spiritual vision? I believe it’s by thoroughly trusting and accepting whatever live brings me each day, even when - or especially when I’m disappointed by circumstances. My human vision is limited. I see the trees and wish they were trees of another species. What I can’t see is that the entire forest is just beyond the few trees in front of me and there’s trees whose infinite beauty and strength I never even knew existed.

Today I’m going to be grateful for the trees in front of me and trust that I will see the rest of the forest when I’m meant to.

There are a lot of slogans that I hear “around the rooms”. In early recovery they confused me, then I embraced them, followed by a period of thinking they were pretty corny. Today I’m back to embracing them, corny or not, they’re helpful. They help me right size my problems and to (dare I say it) Keep It Simple, Sweety.

Here are a few slogans I seem to use pretty regularly - whether it’s because I hear them from my sponsor or in the rooms - they resonate with me.

Mind Your Business - I was just reminded of this one a couple of days ago when I was getting wrapped up in what my husband was doing (and not doing). It’s amazing how my serenity immediately comes back when I put this slogan into action.
First Things First - When there are problems, it’s easy for me to get confused. I don’t know which way to turn next or what to do, and then I’m reminded - First Things First - what is the most spiritually sound choice I can make? Do that first.
Live and Let Live - This is closely related to minding my business. It means other people are free to make their own choices; I don’t have to have an opinion about what they’re doing and I don’t have to let what they’re doing affect what I do.
Let Go and Let God - Letting God in to guide me and the decisions I make is by far my biggest “secret” to living a sane, useful, and serene life.
There but for the Grace of God Go I - It’s easy for me to get judgmental and snub my nose at others - but then I’m humbly reminded that I didn’t do anything special to deserve my place in life. That knowledge knocks me off my high horse pretty quick.
To Thine Own Self be True - I spent most of my life following others, imitating them and doing whatever they did in the name of fitting in and being liked. I had no idea who I really was, and therefore I was largely unhappy. Today I know that not only my happiness, but the happiness of other people in my life is directly dependent on me staying true to myself.
One Day at a Time - Nothing is so bad that I can’t endure it for 24 hours. Tomorrow is always a new day, and for this I am grateful. I love living life one day at a time and not 3 days, months, or years in the past or future!
Identify, Don’t Compare - When I’m in a situation where I find myself feeling uncomfortable, it’s easy for me to start comparing myself to others on some imagined ladder of self worth. I put myself either above or below others, when really, I need to lay the ladder down and put us all on equal ground then start looking for what we have in common. My happiness in this life depends on peacefully coexisting with everyone else who inhabits this world with me. I’ve discovered a true joy for my fellow people by using this slogan, and have felt myself truly come alive. What a miracle!

I recently completed one of the most influential books I’ve ever read in my entire life. Invisible Acts of Power by Caroline Myss had such a profound effect on me that I want to share what I learned with everyone I come across. I know that’s an impossibility, but I can share the overriding spirit and principal of the book with people I encounter. That principal is being of service.

What is service?

• Service is doing something for others with absolutely no expectations of anything in return.
• Service is being loving in every act you perform.
• Service is being there for someone, whether you realize you’re helping them or not.
• Service is respecting your fellow human beings as you encounter them through out your days.
• Service is its own reward.
• “Service is not an option, it is a biological necessity.” - Caroline Myss

That might sound simple, and perhaps not so moving, but after reading the many real-life examples the author provided, you’ll understand more.

I discovered this book through a new book club I’m in with a group of women in recovery from multiple addictions. It was absolutely divine to share in the life-altering experience this book afforded all of us. In turn, I shared this book with a coworker whose feelings for the book ran just as strong as mine. She said she has been reading it slow because she wants to savor every word; every sentence is packed with meaning and powerful messages - and I agree. I plan to use this book as a reference in the future - it’s something I’d like to keep on my bedside to flip through regularly so I don’t ever forget that I want to remain spiritually changed, as this book made me.

If you’re looking for something to awaken your soul, a purpose in your life - I recommend this book. If you are open to the messages contained within, you will be awakened and filled with purpose after reading. I was.

A big part of living a happy, joyous, and peaceful life is learning the art of acceptance. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous tells us that “acceptance is the answer to all our problems today, and I believe that. It might sound a big far-fetched to say that simply gaining acceptance will be the answer to every single one of our problems, no matter how large or small, but if you really think about it - it’s true.

When we are struggling with an issue in our lives, it’s because we lack acceptance of the issue. Say, for instance, your mother-in-law drives you crazy because she still wants to control your husband. If you accepted the fact that your mother-in-law was a control freak and that no matter what you do, you can’t change it, it suddenly becomes a non-issue.

I have been amazed at how praying for and receiving acceptance has worked in my life. When the dog chews up my favorite pair of shoes, I have a choice: get pissed off or accept the fact that the shoes are gone and move on. I could choose to stay angry at the dog and waste hours of my day harboring bad feelings for her, telling everyone I come across about my problems with her. Or I could accept the fact that the shoes were left in her reach (my fault), she’s just a dog who hasn’t learned better impulse control yet, and that the shoes are not going to come back no matter how hard I wish for them unless I can find them at the store again. When I choose the latter attitude, I have much more peace in my life. And that’s what I’m striving for today: I want to live a peaceful, serene life. Thankfully I know today that I have the power to change my thoughts and actions to bring about the life I want. This doesn’t mean that I won’t have problems - on the contrary! Life still happens and things I don’t like keep coming my way, but what I choose to do and think about all of those things are what makes the difference.

Today I choose serenity. I choose joy. I choose peace. Because today I choose acceptance.