As a rule I don’t handle conflict very well. It stresses me out and makes me nervous. Yesterday was chock full of conflict, and it’s no surprise that today I’m feeling unsettled.

The first incident had nothing to do with me; my coworkers and boss had some strong words in our weekly department meeting. I was able to notice my discomfort, yet mind my own business and keep my mouth shut. That is a lot of progress for me. My instinct is to either antagonize or appease. I want to pick sides, roll up my sleeves and get in the thick of it, letting the side I didn’t choose know how wrong they are. Or I want to crack a joke to ease the tension in the room, distract the offending parties and move on to more pleasant items of business. I was a bit rattled up after the meeting, little did I know it was just a small taste of what awaited me.

In the afternoon, the owner of the company flipped his lid complete with cursing and slamming things down at and around me. The whole incident shocked me, and I felt wholly unprepared for it. It’s making me realize there are bigger issues at stake - God is “raining bricks” down on my head to get my attention where this job is concerned.

And to top off the evening, my oldest son decided it was acceptable to go into a rage and yell at me and his brother when he was told to give his brother a turn on the XBox. I felt like I handled that situation well, but I still hated that it happened. Again, I was taken aback at the behavior - it was completely unexpected. Later that night, my husband and I had a misunderstanding about the disciplining practices around the whole situation, so that just compounded the issue. Today I will need to work on forgiveness because I’m feeling pretty angry and resentful at my son. It’s going to take a lot of prayer, because I don’t feel any sort of peace in me at this moment.

This morning I spent time exercising and praying and now I’m writing - I’m just trying to do the next right thing in hopes that today is a better day.