I recently ended a relationship (well, sort of) with a dear friend of mine. I keep feeling like maybe I made a mistake because I feel extremely sad about the loss of the friendship. However, reading this passage today affirms that I made the right decision and that it’s normal to grieve. Who knew?

I left because there was no room for me. But you could tell me not to go. Say it to me. Tell me not to go.
–Stephen Sondheim
Sunday in the Park with George

To leave someone we love is to knowingly break a vital connection. Even if we chose to leave, we wonder why it often hurts so much. But the heart isn’t logical; it feels the trauma of the loss and the responsibility of being the one to say good-bye.

Love is a process; it doesn’t end because we say good-bye. No matter how painful or harmful a relationship was, there were good things about it, just as there were lovable things about the other person. The challenge is to accept with grace the choice we’ve made and to forgive whatever hurt we’ve received. We can refuse to indulge in self-righteousness or indignation. Those feelings are born out of the illusion of power that comes with being the one who leaves. Most of all, we can grieve the loss and then let go of the person we loved so that we can heal.

I have to break some relationships because it is healthier for my recovery. Still, I can hurt and grieve over the loss of those relationships.

From: Answers in the Heart by Anonymous

The way I drive is a pretty good indicator of how I am doing emotionally and spiritually. Sounds funny, doesn’t it? But, it’s true.

If I’m racing down the highway, trying to make all the green lights, getting annoyed every time a slow car or red light gets in my way, banging my hands on the steering wheel and yelling, “Come on!!!!” - there’s a problem. I am definitely not God-centered, or anything else centered for that matter.

On the other hand, if I’m cruising along at or near the speed limit (hey, I have a lead foot), happily accepting each stop sign, red light, and obnoxiously slow person in front of me, I’m feeling serene in all areas of my life most likely. I can believe that I got stopped by every red light because “the universe has it out for me” or because I wasn’t meant to get where I was going until the precise time I arrived. Maybe I hit 10 red lights because that means I missed getting into an accident ahead. Who knows? The point is, it’s all about my perspective. If I believe that God is taking care of me no matter what, and that I just need to trust - it carries over into all aspects of my life. I just happen to notice it first when I’m behind the wheel, as silly as it may seem.

I’m currently procrastinating on making an amends to someone. This person is a woman I sponsored for a few months, which makes it even harder for some reason. The deal is, we never had a regular call time, so she would just call and try to reach me. For a while, it worked out fine, as she seemed to reach me fairly regularly. However, over the past couple of months, she started calling at times that just didn’t work for me at all. In the past, if we hadn’t connected in a few days, I’d call her back when I could. I stopped doing that. I haven’t called her in over a month, and that’s just not the way to end a sponsor/sponsee relationship. I owe her an apology for not returning her calls and just saying, “Hey, this isn’t working.”

Since it wasn’t working for me, and also because I knew one of the other reasons I didn’t call her back was because she got on my nerves - I put off making that call. Every time, I’d tell myself that I’d answer the next time and let her know that it just wasn’t working out. The next time would come, however, and I would say the same thing. And now I’m stuck where I am today - having never answered her calls nor called her back. It sucks.

Of course I’m in a lot of fear about this phone call, and my sponsor is giving me some tough love on this one. She pretty much said yesterday to call her already and let her know how I made out when I’m done. Gulp!

Hopefully tomorrow will be the day I gather the courage to make that call so I can put this behind me.

Here’s a follow-up to the story I posted about the honeybees disappearing. Apparently the crisis isn’t as bad as the original article I found made it seem. I guess there are two schools of thought on this, really. Some people believe this is a major crisis, and others think it will be a minor inconvenience at worst. You can read some thoughts on the latter in this article. And you can see what the good folks at Fark have to say about both sides of the story right here.

I’m falling somewhere in the middle of the two - I’m a little bit worried, but definitely not panicked.

I stumbled across a lovely site the other night that listed out some signs and symptoms of inner peace:

· A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences.

· An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.

· A loss of interest in judging other people.

· A loss of interest in judging self.

· A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.

· A loss of interest in conflict.

· A loss of the ability to worry. (This is a very serious symptom.)

· Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.

· Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.

· Frequent attacks of smiling.

· An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than (try to) make them happen.

· An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.

I can see lots of areas where I’ve made tremendous strides towards achieving inner peace when I read this… but I also see areas where I still have a long way to go. Still, I think all of those are very indicative of being at peace and they are the things I strive for. I need to read this list daily to remind myself. In fact, I think I’m going to make them all pretty in Photoshop and print them out to put on my desk at work.

If you’d like the completed file for similar purposes, let me know.