I accepted an invitation to be a guest speaker at a retreat for my compulsive eating program. The retreat lasts for a whole weekend and is taking place several states away, so I’ll need to fly. In addition to flying, the retreat house is a good distance away from local airports so I had a couple of options to choose from that seriously tripped me up today.

Option A was to fly to an airport 3 hours away from the retreat and take the drive with someone there who offered to pick me up.

Option B was to fly to an airport 1 1/2 hours away from the retreat, rent a car and drive myself.

I would much prefer Option B because I am not too keen on riding for 3 hours with someone I don’t know to a place where I’ll be spending the entire weekend with more people I don’t know to share my personal recovery story. I also don’t like to rely on other people for something as crucial as a ride to and from an airport unless it’s someone I know who is reliable and dependable. Additionally, I’d like to shorten my travel time after flying as much as possible. It’s already going to be three long days with the flying. And I think I’d like the freedom of having my own car, free to come and go as I please and to have some nice quiet time to myself as I drive to my destination.

Seems like a no brainer, right? Well, here’s the catch: the difference in price between the two options is about $200. Since I am going as an invitee, all my expenses are paid for, but that doesn’t mean it’s carte blanche. I still need to be mindful of the expenses and therein lies my dilemma. I was asked to please consider Option A because of the cost savings, and so I felt like that had to be my choice. I contacted my sponsor and a few program friends to get their take on it.

I loved my sponsors answer. She basically said that the best thing to do for everyone involved - me, the people on the retreat committee, the people attending the retreat - is to be true to myself and honor my inner voice and inner child. Her suggestion was to tell the retreat committee that I needed to do Option B, without explaining myself. She reminded me that I didn’t have to apologize or justify my actions. I am simply taking care of myself and when I do that, I’m being kind to everyone around me, too.

When I wrote back to my sponsor, I told her that I was afraid to be considered “high maintenance” by choosing the pricier option, and was ready to just concede to their wishes. I was so grateful to have her perspective and validation affirming my gut reaction. As soon as I let the committee know my decision, all my tensions faded away and I knew in my “knower” that I made the right choice. High maintenance? Possibly, but I’m totally worth it.

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