Once I have learned to set my boundaries, others may try to ignore them or accuse me of being selfish.

I know my boundaries have been crossed when I begin to feel uncomfortable inside, and I need to pay attention to this feeling. If others are used to relating to me in a certain way, and I’m changing, it usually means they have to change too.

They may resist this change, but I’m not here to make other people happy; I’m here to make myself happy. If I don’t want to change my mind about a boundary I’ve set, I don’t have to. Other people will have to learn to live with the “new me.”

I recognize this new attitude as a sign that I’m getting stronger every day.

From the book:

Time to Break Free by Judith R. Smith

I was talking to my sponsor this week about a friendship relationship I’m really struggling with. I told her that just the thought of spending time with a particular person made my stomach go in knots. She asked me if this friend was crossing a boundary of mine, because that’s what boundary crossing feels like. I had to think about this for a while, and although it’s been over 24 hours, I still am not sure if the answer is yes or no.

Boundaries are a hard concept for me. I never knew what they were, how to set them, or how to adhere to them until a few years ago. The first time I set a boundary with someone, I thought I was going to die. It was the most uncomfortable moment I had experienced in a long time. However, I was starting to get emotionally healthy and the not setting of a boundary was making me even more uncomfortable, so I did it. Now that I’ve come to recognize what it feels like when someone is not respecting my boundaries, I’m pretty good at taking action on it in a timely manner. So, it’s surprised me a bit when I wasn’t able to answer my sponsor’s question about my friend. I guess I need to do some writing and soul searching on this one some more.