For the past few months, I kept coming across information concerning a dairy-free diet. The first few times I didn’t pay much attention to it. The idea intrigued me, but I felt my diet was restricted enough already since I don’t eat sugar, flour, wheat, caffeine, and a host of other things. As time has gone on, I’ve seen more and more references to a dairy-free way of life and it suddenly occurred to me that it wasn’t just a coincidence so I decided to educate myself.

I’m almost sorry I read everything I did because it was all so disturbing. The more I read about the effects of consuming dairy, the more I want to never ever consume another ounce of dairy in my life. This stuff is vile! It’s almost as bad as sugar, which is saying quite a lot.

As of today, I’m officially giving up dairy. I have 5 containers of my (formerly) beloved Greek yogurt in my refrigerator that need to find a home, because I will not be eating them. A few people have asked me why I’m making this change, and I get a little overwhelmed trying to explain because there are just so many reasons. I’m going to document them here, and hopefully this list will help me to answer people who are curious about my latest dietary change.

Here are some symptoms/ailments that have been linked to dairy consumption:

• Migraines
• Breast cancer
• Diabetes (both types)
• Obesity
• High Cholesterol
• Heart disease
• Irregular bowel movements
• Sinus/Allergy problems
• Colds/Sore Throats
• PMS/Emotional problems
• Acne/Problem skin

I suffer from more than 1/2 of the problems on that list. I want to see if giving up dairy changes that. Apparently, it only takes 7-10 days to start noticing a difference. I will be sure to report back to let you know how I’m feeling and if there are any changes to how I’m feeling.

Although all this dairy stuff has been disturbing, it didn’t cause me to lose my sense of humor. During my lunch hour today, I went to a local health food store, Trader Joes, and Whole Foods to find dairy replacements. Specifically I was looking for some unsweetened plain soy yogurt. I purchased quite a few things, and I had to laugh at myself as I was walking up the driveway with my grocery store bags in hand. Here I was replacing three basic food items on my food plan: milk, yogurt, and powdered milk. And in my hand were three full grocery bags of assorted items to take their place. Did I really need 6 boxes of assorted flavors of unsweetened soy milk? It’s apparent that this change is stirring up a little bit of fear and a need to control, as most change does for me. Still funny, though!

One other note - I wasn’t able to find a yogurt or powdered milk alternative, so I bought two types of soy cheese, tempeh and tofu as well. I don’t believe there is a soy yogurt alternative that has no sugar in it, so looks like I’m going to learn to live without it. I might try silken tofu blended with fruit to take its place, but I’m not sure. My diet now has a whole lot of soy in it, and I don’t want to go too far overboard in that direction, either.

In my travels studying the problems with dairy, I also read quite a few things about animal products in general. I have a feeling I might turn into a full-fledged vegan, but that is for another day. Today, I address the dairy.

Here are some more resources if you’re interested:

Not Milk
Go Dairy Free Challenge

The Dangers of Cow’s Milk
Say No to Milk
Milk Sucks

For some reason, I’ve been getting hungry about an hour before my meal time for almost a week now. I’m not sure what’s going on, but it sure is annoying. The funny thing is, I thought for sure this meant I would be sure to see a big drop in weight this month; I lost a whopping 1/2 pound. Ha! Maybe if I don’t change anything this month, the weight loss would show up next month, though, since this hunger thing is a new development.

I don’t know if I’ll be able to go a full month without making a change if this continues, though. I don’t do well with hunger. It scares me and triggers negative reactions in my mind. I know I won’t die between meals, but logic doesn’t help a whole lot when hunger comes to town. It’s such a driving, primal force!

My sick mind is so torn between wanting to keep my food the same so I will lose weight and making a change so I can eat more. Both sides of my compulsive eating disease are rearing their ugly heads. I left a message for my sponsor about the hunger, so I’m sure we’ll come up with a plan of action for this - and I can return to sanity.

As a rule I don’t handle conflict very well. It stresses me out and makes me nervous. Yesterday was chock full of conflict, and it’s no surprise that today I’m feeling unsettled.

The first incident had nothing to do with me; my coworkers and boss had some strong words in our weekly department meeting. I was able to notice my discomfort, yet mind my own business and keep my mouth shut. That is a lot of progress for me. My instinct is to either antagonize or appease. I want to pick sides, roll up my sleeves and get in the thick of it, letting the side I didn’t choose know how wrong they are. Or I want to crack a joke to ease the tension in the room, distract the offending parties and move on to more pleasant items of business. I was a bit rattled up after the meeting, little did I know it was just a small taste of what awaited me.

In the afternoon, the owner of the company flipped his lid complete with cursing and slamming things down at and around me. The whole incident shocked me, and I felt wholly unprepared for it. It’s making me realize there are bigger issues at stake - God is “raining bricks” down on my head to get my attention where this job is concerned.

And to top off the evening, my oldest son decided it was acceptable to go into a rage and yell at me and his brother when he was told to give his brother a turn on the XBox. I felt like I handled that situation well, but I still hated that it happened. Again, I was taken aback at the behavior - it was completely unexpected. Later that night, my husband and I had a misunderstanding about the disciplining practices around the whole situation, so that just compounded the issue. Today I will need to work on forgiveness because I’m feeling pretty angry and resentful at my son. It’s going to take a lot of prayer, because I don’t feel any sort of peace in me at this moment.

This morning I spent time exercising and praying and now I’m writing - I’m just trying to do the next right thing in hopes that today is a better day.

I’ve been a little too concerned about my body size and shape lately. I hate when I spend too much time and energy focused on that because it means I’ve lost some serenity. It also means I need to step up my recovery program, which is something I don’t like admitting, either.

I did some journaling this morning and my thoughts about this came out there, too. I’m glad, because I believe that putting the negative thoughts onto paper is an important part of the process of getting over the negativity. Here’s an excerpt of what I wrote:

Thank you [I was writing a letter to God] for the willingness to take the dog for a walk this morning. I hated how fat and sluggish I felt the past two nights going to bed. I don’t know if it’s my period coming on or what, but my stomach feels heavier than normal. I’m noticing, though, that I’m becoming a little too concerned and involved in my body size. My distorted mind sees me as fat, even though the scale and my clothing size tells me different. Will I ever get over this? I keep thinking it will change and I’ll love my body if I exercise regularly and everything is firm and toned and I’m in good shape, etc. I’ve been skinny in the past, but never in great shape with well-defined muscles and minimal fat and cellulite except for a brief period in my middle teenage years.

The question really is, though - why does it matter? What difference does it make? It’s all tied into EGO as usual. If I had no ego, I’d be perfectly content with being a normal body weight. But my ego wants more. It wants to be at or below a normal body weight, be in perfect physical condition, have gorgeous hair, skin and makeup, etc. Thinking about these ideals, I can say with certainty that I’ll never be there. Who really is besides super models and celebrities? Does that mean I’ll never be satisfied with my body? That’s a sad and scary thought. God, please help me be more accepting of my body and to let go of unreasonable expectations. Help me to stop comparing myself to all the young girls at work who do have what I consider perfect bodies. They haven’t bore children, and they most likely have not gone through the hell of active food addiction like I have.

It’s helpful to re-read what I wrote, because it really drives the point home that I have unreasonable expectations where my body is concerned. I know a good deal of that is from the media bombardment and another great portion from my diseased mind. If I could remember those things and remind myself that balance and moderation in all things is what ultimately brings me the peace and serenity I crave, I’ll be well on my way towards accepting my body exactly as it is today.

I’ve worn hearing aids since I was five years old. Well except for some periods where I went without them for various reasons. When I was a teenager, I decided to not wear them because I was self-conscious. Being dumb is apparently part of the teenage condition. These days I don’t care what anyone thinks or says about my aids, I can’t function well without them.

When I got my first set of hearing aids, they were the over the ear kind, because the in the ear models hadn’t been invented yet. I was so grateful when that kind came out so I could conceal the aid a bit more. Last year I had to replace my aids and the audiologist highly recommended I get the over the ear kind again because my hearing loss had significantly increased.

I’ve grown a lot since those teenage years because the only concerns I had about wearing the over the ear model this time had nothing to do with how it would look when wearing them. I was more concerned with the weight of the aids on my ears and the inability to use a Bluetooth wireless headset. However, when I got a taste of all the features these new digital hearing aids boasted, I soon forgot about the feared inconveniences. My hearing aids have mini computers inside each of them and they’re constantly talking to each other to stay in sync depending upon the noises in my environment. When I go in for a check up, they plug the aid into the computer and a program shows exactly how long I’ve worn the aids, and at what settings I’ve kept them on. The volume and other, detailed noise levels can all be set right on the computer. I’m so amazed by that.

I’m also so pleased with my new maturity about my looks is concerned. When the doctor saw my disappointment over having to get the over the ear models, he assumed I was worried about how I would look. It felt good to know that I no longer care what other people think about me, and that my looks was the last thing on my mind. Ironically, I look better today than I have in over a decade! Gotta love it.